Happy November to you and yours. I wish I could tell you that the fog is clearing in my post-Khan world, but that wouldn’t be accurate. I’m still grieving and missing and fretting and praying that one day, it will all feel like less of a raw wound and more like something I learn to live with; or as Laurie Anderson recently said about her Buddhist take on grief on her turn on Anderson Cooper’s excellent podcast on grief, “you have to learn to feel sad without being sad.” Noted. I so feel that.
One thing that always lifts the spirits? Shopping. OK, not always (I hate Home Depot and have a short threshold for crowded department stores), but for the sake of this piece, shopping is a pick-me-up. And according to many, I shop for all the wrong reasons. More on that in a bit.
We have entered an age of consumer advocacy like never before. Social media, for better or worse, has democratized influence and given the power to all of us to review our favorite new cleanser (my current obsession is from Eadem), a pair of jeans from B Sides, or Boston Birkenstock. That said, it’s become a compulsion to shop our feeds, scroll through and. click, and end up with many things we don’t want or need. Noted.
On the other hand, there are people who shop based on need alone.
For instance, I was chatting with a stylist friend who shops for real women with jobs, families, and the need for clothes that suit their lifestyles. If it doesn’t fit the need, it’s not to be purchased. My sister is the same. When she shops, she wants to ensure the clothes she buys suit her corporate job. She is not someone who wants to shop for fun. She is a purposeful shopper. She won’t entertain buying things that aren’t “practical.”
I believe this is the case because our society has succumbed to a version of life that is very Marie Kondo minimalist, purge it all, only buy what you need kind of vibes. But my shopping habits beg to differ.
Because the cart wants what the cart wants™.
And the cart wants a vintage Chanel cape spotted at a vintage show. Or a Mary McFadden plum plissé ensemble because it’s the holidays, baby. Or a moonage daydream-inspired gold boot from Simon Miller (if you didn’t see that Bowie movie for fashion inspo, go now). It could be said that none of these items fit my lifestyle. I’m not on tour. I’m not front row at Fashion Week. And most days, I’m happily at home, working on my sofa in my favorite ribbed Zara flares and a button-down or cashmere sweater now that it’s chilly.
But for me, my relationship with what I wear is not practical. For me, clothes spark joy and make my heart sing. And Ms. Kondo says that’s a-ok. Plus, many are excitedly talking about a brick-and-mortar retail revival. I, for one, am all in favor. of the power of in-person purchasing.
I never want to think of dressing as a chore. Or something that is not joyful. To me, the way I shop has an air of fantasy. As someone who has never had a non-creative job, I understand that many have not had the joy of wearing whatever they want to work. I can dress up, dress down, and now that I am home, I can easily wear sweats every day, another toxic trend for people like me who shop to play with the possibilities a great piece can bring. Of course, I shop for an occasion or a big meeting or event. But mostly, I never think about “where or when on Earth can I wear this?” I think more about the possibilities a fabulous frock can bring, not to mention how it can make you feel.
I think there is a happy middle ground for those who are not as cuckoo for clothes as I am. Is there a place where we can still be pragmatic but also find joy in putting our looks together and making them our own? I keep thinking of my interview with Trinny Woodall. I met her at 9 am at her hotel suite, and at 9 am, she was wearing a sequin paillette tank with some wide-legged trousers and platform sneakers. Beyond fabulous. Fearless. And completely joyful.
And big caveat. Comfort is important.
I hate tight clothes, restrictive clothes, or anything that feels like I have to hike it down or suck it in. But the default to gym clothes is not happening around here. There are ways to seek comfort when shopping that goes beyond a legging. Like a trouser meets utility pant from Alo (out of stock in black but nice in brown). They go to work and home and back again and look great. So there you have it.
For women like my sister who have big jobs, I challenge you to remember you also have a life outside work. And yes, dressing for work is expensive. But as we all seek balance, remember there is a life outside the office. A full life that deserves joy, texture, and sensuality. Have fun with clothes and embrace what I call shoptimism. This does not mean shopping beyond your means or having an unhealthy relationship with Instagram. It simply means thinking of style as a means of self-expression and sensorial delight. Play a little. Dream a little. Push a little. Stroll around a vintage shop and create new memories with old pieces. Visit local boutiques and find those unique items that meet your needs AND desires. Pocket a perfume for your purse so you can sniff something gorgeous throughout the day (the new KAYALLI Vanilla 28 is the affordable gourmand of the season). And most of all, be curious.
And that does not mean breaking the bank.
On a recent CVS run, I found this amazing Kabuki brush from e.l.f. that cost me 5 bucks and is a makeup-blending miracle. My hunting skills served me well, and I came home with an item that sparked joy and served a need. And since it’s prime shopping season, I’ll also publish my own take on a gift guide mid-month, with lots of gifts for you and yours. Because as much as I enjoy shopping for me, I also love giving gifts of joy to friends and family. And according to many sites, ‘tis the damn season already. So let’s get to it. Let’s have some fun. Let’s kiki and connect and spark some joy. Lord knows we all need some.
Oh, and I thought it would be fun to do a monthly vibe check regarding what’s inspiring me. This month it’s all about 70s Charlotte Rampling walking through an airport. Yes to all of this but the cig.
All items from this post are linked below. Happy hunting!
Simon Miller Tall Stretch Mojo Boot