David flew home with Gidget, our new puppy approximately three weeks ago. A literal two-pound puppy. She is half Chiwowwow/half Yorkie and all adorable. She is also giving me a run for my money, but more on that later.
It all happened from a post I saw on Instagram (the way everything happens now) from a fantastic dog rescue in LA. David happened to be out there for work, and I debated sharing her wolf meets piglet video with him as we agreed not to consider adopting another dog until September, a year from when my beloved Khan passed.
We did try to foster a dog for the weekend a few months back, a chap named Pluto, whose alpha vibe was weird for us. I can honestly say we weren’t ready to have another fur friend in the house, and it felt like a strange man with an underbite and a significant flatulence problem was in our bed. Pluto was a fine dog who would probably be most comfortable in a house without men and. perhaps another dog, so off he went back to Roosevelt Island with a few parting gifts like toys and a handsome new sweater, but alas, no home I felt guilty and sad for weeks.
There is something about the grief process that feels like purgatory. Like you want to live and love again, but you’re not quite ready. I remember watching The Crown, and in one scene, the King notes that grief never leaves, and you become comfortable with it. For me, it’s like an old sweater that may itch a little but is somehow soothing in its familiarity. I found myself kissing Khan’s picture every night and sleeping with his hoodie to keep me safe and eternally connected to him. I missed him more than I could imagine because he was my heart dog. So how. could I ever love again? And why would I put myself through that pain again?
Enter Gidgie girl.
There was something about her tiny wolfie face that got me. In a marriage, one learns to let some things go and never learns when one really wants something. In all candor, when I want something, I am relentless. So I asked David to extend his trip and meet this little lady who had many other suitors applying to meet her, too. But you. know that aforementioned relentless? David has it, too. So we both bugged the rescue enough, and they agreed to give us a first look at this little one.
As I sat in Brooklyn alone that week, I had a lot of time to be quiet, reflect, and talk to Khan about a new pup. I. can say it was one of the most spiritually connected weeks of my life, and I felt my grief turn a corner. I returned to myself in solitude and felt free for the first time in a long time.
And then David called from West Hollywood with a two-pound pup sauce in his pocket and said, “she’s our girl.” HOLY SHIT.
I felt many emotions between the time he got her and the time he flew home with her the next day. Excitement. Panic. Fear. Joy. I immediately went into the city for some supplies. A puppy pen. A crate. A small sling to carry this new creature around.
And just like that, we had a new puppy. And all that boundless grief found a place to live, and that place was love.
David’s fresh kicks accompany our fresh pup on a walk.
Now before you cry happy tears, a word.
This girl is a tiny, very picky puppy. There is potty training to deal with. There was giardia to deal with. There is a feeling that my life has. Been taken over by my esophagus chews and chicken thighs and Reddit threads about pup problems. Every item of clothing I have is stained with burger juice and sweet potato.
The first week was a freak show, and I felt not unlike Claire Danes’s character in that “Fleishman” show. I wore the same grey sweatshirt for a week and felt like I had just been struck by lightning and was more exhausted than ever. I wasn’t eating or showering much. My anxiety was showing, and all the thoughts and catastrophizing over a dog who won’t eat came flooding back after having had a dog for the end of his life who struggled to eat because. of his kidney disease. Update: she eats. Thank you Stellla & Chewy. Thank you.
How would I ever write or work or work out again? Do I need Lexapro? Why in balls did I do this?
Where is my mind?
Since David is back in the office, it’s just m and G and her fussy food habits and endless desire to play, which is the sweetest thing on Earth after having a dog who wanted nothing to do with toys. She is definitely Puppy Bowl material, and she smells like waffles. All the time. She has discovered herself in my full-length mirror, and she plays with her reflection.
I love walking with her through the neighborhood in her sling and. introducing her to all the sights of my Brooklyn nabe. She’s quite the portable potable; having a small dog certainly has its advantages.
When I feel anxious in a new situation, I find knowledge is power/peace of mind.
So I’m finding solace in some recommendations. Reddit threads about the challenges of puppydom, and the consensus is “hard but worth it.” I’ll take that. Because no matter how much she pees on the rug or refuses food or bites my toes, she has allowed me to love again and has begun to heal the enormous void in my heart. For me, having a new fur face is the ultimate testament to Khan’s memory because the only way out is through. And that, my friends, is worth EVERYTHING.
Ok, enough about my puppy meshugaas. Here are a few regularly scheduled things as we welcome Spring.
These eyeshadows are new from Trinny London for Spring and make the perfect neutral palette for an on-the-go life. The range of moisture-enriched cream-based eye shades and liners are the ultimate eye enhancers – intensely pigmented and easily buildable! The names are lovely (Harmony, Serenity, Joy, Passion), and the tan, dusky pink, and shimmery plum set make Spring glam a breeze.
This necklace. I love pearls. And I love this necklace. That is all. I wish they made one in Gidget’s size—the perfect juxtaposition of pretty and punk.
This skirt. You all know leopard is my neutral. This skirt from Ganni with the elastic waist would b my take on a black skirt all summer with slides and a tank.
These kicks. Spotted on Jennifer Lawrence andis classic in the best way. Great with a dress now that Spring is springing.
This convertible column dress. So I’ve been rewatching “Sex and the City” lately, and I have always loved how Carrie rocked a strapless dress. I found this one by the sustainable label Proche and fell madly in love with their philosophy and this dress. You can also wear it as a skirt as you wonder what Carrie ever saw in Berger. I mean, really.
This shampoo and conditioner. I found this brand randomly in a salon on the way to Boston and OMG. It’s a frizzy girl’s dream, and bonus- it smells like bubblegum. So good. I can even. dry my hair naturally and wake up with the perfect wave.
This body wash. I was invited to an event at Soho House where I discover the glory of this rose body wash. It’s moisturizing and luxe and smells like heaven. I am obsessed with it, and it makes me feel cosy just like its name. Love it during a nighttime shower for a bit of an unwinding experience.
The only scent diffuser that works. And for those of us who want homes that smell like hotels or a swish private club, this diffuser also from Cow Shed is the bomb. It fills your home with a fresh but sophisticated fragrance and is utterly fabulous, particularly with a puppy pee pad sitch happening.
And this kaftan by Kaftco was spotted in my neighborhood at the cutest shop called Marianella. Perfect for a bachelorette party I am attending in Palm Springs in June. I love it so much.
This bag in my fav hue is chic as could be. Love it for dog walks around town.
Oh, and the new Glowy Super Skin Foundation from Saie is a-ok. Nice texture and decent coverage though still natural looking. Good one. This brand has become one of my favorites.
And speaking of favorites, I want to thank all of you in my life who lift me up and let me be. From losing Khan to the great in-between to the new puppy cuck-a-choo, I love you all and am so grateful. XO
She is so cute and someday you will look back on these opening months as "no big deal" even though they were. She let you love again! And I love the eye shadow....I want the pink and where do I get it? Good stuff here