Embracing Life Unapologetically: Why We Don’t Need Permission to Be Seen

Finding inspiration in the people around us and living life on our terms—without waiting for the world to catch up.

The season is in full swing, and I’ve been an unapologetic busy bee. It’s been lovely seeing friends and taking in the lights and sights of this beautiful city during the holidays. There’s simply nothing like it.

So, over brunch the other day with a group of friends and a few like-minded strangers, I looked around the table and had a thought.

To one side of me was a woman who retired from the New York Times on the business side at 54. Her husband is a working actor with dashing good looks and a sparkly wit. At the other end of the table is a published author in the midst of ghostwriting a juicy memoir, and another guest is a stylish art dealer with an adorable dog, while our hosts are retired school principals, with the wife, who is a dear friend, finding success as a personal stylist post-retirement and enjoying life to the fullest. These people live in the city, have achieved success, and are constantly seeing shows, going to openings, and trying new restaurants while enjoying more homier pursuits like a weekly book club. Almost all of them had grown children except for myself and my husband.

Over mimosas and frittatas, I couldn’t help but think about how vital and content they all seemed. Life had thrown some fastballs, but they were mentally and physically healthy. So I thought, why do we care that we don't see people of age on magazine covers or in advertising? Because despite not “seeing it,” they are absolutely “being it.”

I grew up when models looked like models. There was never any part of me that thought models should look more like me. I enjoyed fashion magazines. Were they potentially damaging to my body image and sense of self? Probably. But I think I understood reality vs. fashion, and I enjoyed fashion magazines' escape.

Now, we have people “triggered” by just about everything. Social media, a supposedly “IRL” engagement with the world (and all your friends from high school), has sabotaged self-image like never before. In this quest for authenticity and inclusion, it’s impossible to discern between your endless scroll of people being fabulous and fucked up. There seems to be no ability to disconnect from it. Perhaps that’s why the battle cry for seeing “real” people in advertising and media seems almost perverse. We must step away from socials and look at ourselves and who we’ve become. I am ten times more confident at this age than I’ve ever been, and looking at people my age in magazines or fashion campaigns has anything to do with it, but you know what does?

Surrounding yourself with people who love you just the way you are and those like my brunch buddies whose level of ease with themselves and others was nothing short of inspiring. I saw a recent photo of the “Emily in Paris” star, Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu, who plays Sylvie. She was shot for a magazine (ironically), but her sexy self-confidence depicted a woman who doesn’t give a single MERDE about whether advertising executives “see” her. Maybe I’m somewhat contradicting myself, but that’s the feeling I got from this chic photo above (the lewk is Saint Laurent, PS).

But I’ll tell ya what’s not so chic.

Menopause. Good grief. My body feels like a betrayal sometimes, but mostly, I’m happy to still be in it and know that once I am through this cuckoo time, I’ll be aces. It’s not some Pollyanna shit, either. It’s just that I trust myself and know enough to know that everything will be just as it needs to be.

And I can say with great sincerity that I do not care about the mainstream embracing older people in any meaningful way because if you look around and look in the mirror, you’ll no doubt see that you and your friends are doing it just fine. Sure, photos like this in Bazaar are worth a clap, but token signaling will not cut it. It’s exhausting. Instead, get inspired by your family, friends, and coworkers living on their terms. That’s what’s most important.

As the holiday season unfolds, I’m reminded that the most fulfilling way to live is to surround yourself with people who inspire you and embrace who you are—flaws, joys, and all. The quest for external validation, whether in fashion campaigns or social media, pales in comparison to the confidence from within and from meaningful connections. Life is not about being seen by the masses; it’s about being present for yourself and the people who matter. Let’s celebrate that. XO